OUR LIVES are OURS TO CHOOSE.  CHOOSE the PATH of HAPPINESS and FULFILLMENT!

      We all want to learn how to live a happy life.  For a long time I wondered what it took to be sincerely happy and have inner peace.  As I pursued money, relationships, and career success, I thankfully realized that happiness doesn’t come from the outside; happiness comes from within each of us.  Eureka.

     It is something that is present all the time within you and me.  Imagine the layers of an onion being your negative beliefs, thoughts, and fears. As we peel away the layers, (what you are not), we eventually reach the core (who you really are). We are all here on Earth to find meaning and purpose.

     Learning how to live a happy life is not about locking yourself in a closet and meditating for the rest of your life. We as human beings are designed to set and achieve goals, so we need goals to feel fulfilled. These are all only a piece of the pie of living a happy life, but we have to keep in mind that it is not the external things in our lives that make us happy, but rather what is going on inside of us.

MAKING the CHOICE TO CHANGE

     It all begins with the choice to be happier, to start studying the commonalities of “happy people.”  What are they doing? How do they think? How do they face challenges?  Most people want something for nothing.  If your life isn’t as good as you want it to be right now, you are the only one that can change it for the better.
      We have to become clear about what we want in life and who we want to be.   We do not have to settle for mediocrity. Almost every limit in our lives we set ourselves.  Think about that for a moment.  Most of the negative beliefs we have, we have learned from society, friends, and even parents.

     These beliefs can all be eliminated.  We can take control of our own destiny and be happy.  We can shape our future, to be healthy and productive.  Now, I realize that we can’t “control” everything in life, but we certainly can create a happy life if we choose to. 

Taking Responsibility

     You alone are responsible for your life. You may think you have “valid” excuses/ reasons of why you’re not as successful or happy, as you should be.  Guess what?  Our excuses don’t matter, because they won’t change anything.  Do you want to give your excuses the power of controlling your life?  Or do you want to reclaim the power that you’ve always had?  It is God-given to all of us.
      We can whine, blame, and make excuses all we want, but it will only keep us stuck. If we look at some of the happiest and most successful people, you will notice that most of them did not come from privileged backgrounds.   In fact, many of them had to face brutal challenges in order to get to where they are. The ironic thing is that it wasn’t their problems or challenges that held them back from a happier life.  The drama and problems we face in life, can help us grow as human beings if we have the courage to face them and get through them.

 Personal Growth

     Learning how to live a happy life is about learning how we work.  It is up to us to take control of our own being.  By that I mean our thoughts, our health, and the path we follow.  We can go after dreams and we can make a living doing what we want if we just make the decision to do so.
     It really isn’t any harder than that.  Learning how to live a happy life… almost happens on its own when you make the decision that you are going to be happy and not miserable.

 Goals

     When we make the decision to be happy, the next step is to set clear goals of what we want to achieve in each of the main areas of our life.  The main areas in life are: health, work, relationships, and personal growth!

Use the SMART criteria, which stands for:

• Specific
• Measurable
• Attainable
• Realistic
• Timely

     I used these in teaching and my students would later contact me and say they still found them powerful in their chosen careers, personal lives, and future goals.

      Metaphorically, many choose to sit in the passenger seat of the “car” that is their life. They let the car go where it wants to go and then complain when it ends up in a wrong place or worse yet, a ditch!  Successful and happy people take control of the wheel and steer the car where they want to go.

Small Steps

     Never underestimate how much you can accomplish just by taking one single step, each day, toward your goals.  Learning how to live a happy life is about focusing on the tasks that have the biggest impact on your life.  It is up to us to focus on changing our individual habits and beliefs.
     When we set goals, we then know the direction we need to go.  We don’t have to know exactly how you will get there, but you do have to take one step every single day, or as often as possible to make it happen.

 Action

     Nothing happens without action.  Don’t talk about it; do it! When you can take consistent action in the right direction and work on the most valuable tasks, you can accomplish anything you want.  Most people underestimate the power of focus, determination, and action. When you’ve found a goal that sets your soul on fire and makes joy pump through your veins, it will be almost impossible for you not to take action. 
     For me, it was improving the lives of children who face challenges and lives that are difficult without intervention.  I felt like I had to do it, but didn’t know where or how to start.  Quickly, I learned that excuses, fears, or obstacles could not stand in the way. It has been in the journey that I have learned to be the happiest.  I have failed so many times, but still I persist.

 Determination

     It wasn’t until I got this fire inside me that I started making progress. Something funny happens when you make the choice to live a happy life. It’s almost as if the universe conspires to help you. Learning how to live a happy life keeps coming back to the decision… to actually do it. Our lives will never be perfect and the stars will never accurately align. The “perfect” circumstances we need… will not occur until we actually take action.  It is each of us who has to take the first step.  It can’t be done for us.

 Follow Your Passion

     Most of us know what our heart yearns for, but we are afraid to go after it.  It is often the thing that we’re afraid of doing, but desperately want to do, that is our passion and purpose in life.  I remember a few years ago before I started writing as a profession.  I was afraid that I had nothing to contribute to the world with my writing and I was afraid of the fact that I wasn’t good enough.

     Fortunately, I stood up to my fears.  I wasn’t going to let anything stand in my way of doing what I love.  Amazingly, as I started writing, dozens of people read and responded to my writing.  As of right now, tens of thousands of people read my words every single month.

     I sincerely believe that the fears we have about going after our passion are unfounded. They are there to challenge and to see if we are truly serious about living a happy and fulfilling life.  It is scary, but I’d say that living a life full of excuses and fear is worse than going after your dreams. 

 So what if you fail?  You are living the life of happiness… in the pursuit!

 LIVING LIFE REAL...  BE WHO YOU WERE MEANT TO BE!

CHANGE IS GOOD; USE IT WELL!

 

CHANGE IS GOOD; USE IT WELL!

CHANGE YOUR PRESENT LIFE!

Now this is interesting. While we can’t change the past or predict the future, we can change the present life we are living.  We have the choice, every single day, to do what we’re doing.

I would love to sit here and tell you that I’m writing from home because I was so inspired that I quit my “other” job to pursue my dream of being a full-time fiction writer. I would love to say that I’m going to edit all of the negativity out of my life once and for all… and live happily ever after for the rest  of my life.   Of course, it’s not that easy. There are real life issues when it comes to living the present.  Personal issues, family issues and… well, life itself crowds the every day agenda.   If we could all just do what we wanted to do every day, it would be nice, but that’s not realistic.

This brings us to a logical question: What can you take out of your present to make your life more of what you want it to be? Believe it or not, there are things you can change to make your world more of what you want it to be. Too often we settle for things as they are, assuming that is how they have to be. They don’t. You have the God-given ability to cut things out : negative people, bad places, unhealthy activities and habits, and whatever it takes in order to improve your current life’s story. Just as when you’re editing the written word,  it’s not easy to cut things out, but it can be accomplished.

This is what we need to do in real life though… edit. When you’re writing your life, you can’t have everything in the story or it gets cluttered and chaotic. What’s important to you? Give your own story strength of character and integrity of personal choices.  You can’t control what others do, but you can control your own actions!

The past may be gone and the future might be uncertain, but we have the power to choose our “ now.”

FUTURE GENERATIONS? WE CAN DO THIS, BUT WE HAVE TO BE TOUGH! IT'S THE WORLD'S FUTURE AFTER ALL.

BE TOUGH on FUTURE GENERATIONS! IT'S OUR FUTURE.

I try to keep up with many of my former students' lives.  Over the years, I have taught so many; I'd like to say I remember them all, but that would be a lie.  I do remember all of those with "promise" and all of those with "struggles" as they took most of my attention and heart during the time I had them in the classroom. It's impossible for me  to say who touched me the most.  Was it the ones that had so much potential, and actually went on to accomplish great things after they left me, or the ones who had overcome great odds and just getting them to come to school and eventually graduate high school had been a feat in itself?   I  can't say.

In today's high-tech society it is easy to follow their progress... or lack of.  Often they contact me themselves, my own email address has been the same since AOL's inception and my students have  many times told me..."It's so you, Ms. Brown!"  For that reason alone, I will always keep it.  Lately, it has not been difficult to track them down on the Internet. Sometimes, it's through one of the conventional social connectors: i.e.  Facebook, Twitter, or now they tell me to Instagram them, whatever.  I also Google them and see what's going on with them good... or bad.
AND...every once in a while, I am sent a news article that delights me or causes me concern.  Technology makes us all connected... good and bad news.

It was one of the latter, that has been consuming most of my thinking the past few days.  I was forwarded  news  about one of the students that had held so much promise. He was gifted academically, a wonderful athlete, a leader in his class, and was ultimately accepted into one of the most prestigious universities in the Northeast.  He has now been out of college for quite a few years. The article read that He had just been sentenced to prison for the next decade of his life... on drug related charges.  It took my breath away.  How had this happened?

His proverbial fall from grace not only astounded me, but made me cry.  He was a student that had passed through my life and yet, I felt like I had failed him.  I can't even imagine the raw emotions his family must be having. The feelings must run the full reign from anger, sadness, failure, and shame... then back to anger!  I know that's what I felt anyway.

  How dare he throw his life away like that!   Life is about CHOICE and with each and every positive choice we make we define who we are. What I couldn't get my mind around was how selfish this young man had been.  He had thought of no one but himself with his destructive actions.  Hadn't he seen that?  Where had he "learned" that he could do whatever he wanted to and not be accountable?

When we are given gifts and/or talents in our individual journeys, during this time on Earth, and we throw them away... we are being disrespectful not only to our Creator, but to all who love, nurture, and take care of us.  It is  hard for me to reflect on the number of young people who come from really difficult backgrounds and home lives and do go on to make the world a better place for those who will follow them.  There are many of those, but many "choose" to go the wrong way too.  This was not the first former student who had chosen a destructive path in their lives.

It is then that I wondered with guilt if Society, as a whole, has just been too easy on America's youth and young adults in the past two decades!  I am the first to acknowledge that there are many wonderful young people, but have we lost something that used to be present years ago, by giving too much and asking too little of them.

When do they stop asking for: cars, trips, and parents to "bail them out"  when they get into legal and/or financial trouble.   It appears that WE  have created THE generation of "entitlement" in our country. There is an unspoken ME, among many of them, that is so troubling.  We love them so much that we honestly believe the way to make them love us back is to always: give, forgive, and ignore their negative choices. 

Perhaps, we adults/parents are the selfish and needy ones.  It is difficult to have our  children not "love us" or even dislike us from time to time.  What I'm professing is that being  good parents, (coaches or educators as well), requires a strong backbone.  Being strong parents is necessary and we must be consistent, even when our "children" get older. 

 There can be no copping out because it's easier to say "Yes," or "I'll get you out of it," or "Here's the money for...," saying"No!" is difficult, but often the only right thing to do.    However, with this said America's youth in the end accountable for their own screw ups! There are always consequences for bad choices and always have been. They did not consult with us when they had unprotected sex, bought and used drugs/alcohol illegally, ran up credit cards, or dropped out of school.  We need to recognize that they can learn from their mistakes.  We did.

We can not cure the problem(s) of our country's upcoming generations, but we sure can start fixing our own mistakes in how we love them and guide them in positive directions.

  Right now, we can, and must, start by being stronger parents/adults and bosses/supervisors ourselves.   Give our children less and speak up about any negative choices in their lives when seen necessary.  Counsel, wisely and compassionately, employees when they are heading in the wrong direction at work and personally.  Being strong and caring for others is not a negative thing; caring for others is the right thing both for them and others. 

ACQUIRING the GIFT of HAPPINESS... all on our own!

As a writer of a POSITIVE LIFE BLOG… SPIRIT UNBROKEN, I am often asked... how others, (my readers),  can become “happier” in their own lives. I will share things that I have said “yes” to and that has helped me to become happier in my own life.

Just by picking a few of these ideas, you too will be on the track to being more content and happier overall. I do not have all the answers, but as I age and look back on my own wins vs. losses... things become clearer and worth passing along.

Being Imperfect

Trying to be perfect is setting the bar too high. It will be impossible to reach and ultimately lowers your self-esteem. You may not feel very happy about how things are going in your life even though they might be going very well indeed. “Perfectionism” for yourself eats at you and your happiness. Embrace your own imperfectness.

Believing in perfection 

Often we actually believe what we see about relationships and families by watching “perfect families” and “how love should be” on television and in the movies. It looks so good and wonderful and you want it for yourself. Best-selling authors capitalize on this formula over and over again. However, in real life, it clashes with reality and it can harm or possibly lead you to end relationships, jobs, projects, etc. just because your expectations are fiction. It is very useful to remind yourself: No one has it all in spite of outer appearance! I know this for a fact.

Go for good 

Aiming for “perfection” usually winds up in a project or something else progressing very slowly or never being finished at all. Perhaps, go for good instead. Warning: Don’t use "good" as an excuse to slack off. Simply realize that there is something called “good” and even “very good” and that’s not a bad thing.

Being Yourself

Not being able to be yourself, always trying to change for others, or censoring yourself doesn’t feel good at all. It makes life feel so small and limited.  Spend more time with the people who support your dreams, values, and you as a person. Or at least people who are not antagonistic and negative. Try spending less time with people who normally criticize you.

Supportive and life-expanding experiences

 Change your environment from time to time. Go further and spend more time with sources of information that support your dreams and can give you information that expands and makes your life happier. Accordingly, spend less time with negative and limiting influences.

Things you like

It is important to find some time and energy for the things that make you come alive.
Mix it up. Try something new, even if it is just something small, each week. Eat a vegetarian dish at lunch if you always eat meat. Listen to some music that isn’t your norm. Go out to a movie, café, or pub with friends if you usually stay in at night. Perhaps it’s the other way around. If you are someone who surrounds themselves with others, try spending quality time… alone. Create variation and expand your comfort zone regularly in small ways, is key to living a happier life. Boredom creates contempt.

Reconnect

If you used to go fishing, paint, or play the guitar and it really made you come alive… then discover it again. Use an hour for it this week and see if it still brings you joy and makes you come alive.
Be Optimistic
Pessimism can really limit your life and bring it to a standstill. It can make it feel like there’s no point in trying because it won’t make a difference or you’ll just fail. It can create ceilings and walls made out of glass where there really are none.
Ask questions. When you’re in what seems like a negative situation, then make something better out of it by asking yourself questions that promote optimism and helps you to find solutions. For example: What is one thing that is positive or good about this situation? Or what is the opportunity within this situation?
Start off positive. Good influences in your life can make a huge difference. Therefore, start your day off with positive things. A good breakfast, a form of exercise you enjoy, reading or praying if only for a short time. You get the idea!

Forgiveness

Forgiving is not always easy and can take time, but there are some things that can make it a little easier.
You forgive for you. As long as you don’t forgive someone you are forever linked to that person. Your thoughts will return to the person who wronged you and what he or she did…. over and over again. The emotional link between the two of you is so strong and inflicts much suffering in you and, as a result of your inner turmoil, and often in other people around you too. When you forgive, you release yourself.
Make a habit of forgiving yourself. Do not just forgive others, but also yourself. By forgiving yourself – instead of resenting yourself for something you did a week or years ago, you make the habit of forgiveness more and more of a natural part of you. And so forgiving others becomes easier too.

Don’t just take the word “happy” for granted.  Live it, practice it, and you too shall become it.     HAPPY… in life, work, and relationships.

PERSONAL INDEPENDENCE... POST JULY 4th. It's EVERYONE'S

 

The Empowerment of Positive Choice in Our Lives!

In life, we can not control what is done to us, but we always have a choice in how we react to those tests and challenges.  Choice is what separates humans from other mammals. That is self-empowering.

 Even if we fail with one test or challenge…a new one will come along in which we get to choose all over again. Perhaps, it is so we finally get it right. Life, as given, isn’t always easy; it’s not supposed to be. However, when it comes to our own human faults, it is very forgiving in that we get to "correct" our human weaknesses and errors should we so choose.

Often, we do not especially like the choices as they are presented to us and sometimes they are even unfair…but they are choices nonetheless. It is empowering to know we have that ability to choose a new path...at any time. With each and every positive choice we make for ourselves... and towards others... we give ourselves honor. We also get to further define who we are as Human Beings. Think of this in even greater terms.

All of us lost something this past year. Unfortunately, so many lost employment, homes, and suffered financially in some way. In spite of outward appearances, no one has it all. Looks are very deceiving. 2021 has been a time of recovery and new opportunities. 

Have we taken full stock of what we already have; or have we just taken Life's given gifts for granted? Some of us lost our way in relationships either at work or at home. It will be a period of reconciliation and hopefully, forgiveness. And a few of us might even have slipped into areas of human weaknesses: drugs, alcohol, and unfaithfulness and perhaps hurt those we love. Are we stronger and recovered now? Have we atoned for our bad decisions and actions?

This year continues to be a journey of great personal strength and courage moving forward in a healthy and positive way. We're a bit past the halfway point of the year. Have we changed anything for the better? Have we become better people? Have we learned to correct our mistakes? Each and every day we each have the God-given ability to start over and make new choices.  

Real situations in a continued quest to improve our own Human Footprints in our time on Earth. Choose well.

WHAT?... " IT IS WHAT IT IS." I say ... NEVER!

When a long journey begins, or when a quest is undertaken, be it a pilgrimage of  Spirit or an ambition, desire, or hope... there is the excitement at the beginning… because the unknown still lies before us. But at some stage, we tire. The terrain can become unfamiliar. Issues arise, challenges greet us, and at this point, too many feel that this must not be meant to be – for we have told ourself that if it is truly meant to be, it will be easy. This is not always the case. 

Rarely, is LIFE easy.

It appears to be, for all, in both the seen and unseen worlds, there are parts of the "great journey" that require: stamina, courage, and endurance – our ability to commit, and to stay with the task until we have made it.  Do not enter into challenges lightly – enter into them, if at all, wholeheartedly.

Without what we describe as "a challenge," there will be no growth.  If we work through the challenges, we will emerge stronger, and then be more able to realize the next dream. If we run at the first sign of difficulty, we will never forget it; it will be considered a personal failure.  Perhaps, the time has come in life and work for us to build up your endurance. 

Commit. Practice. Train! No matter what the goal... give it our all. That's endurance of thought, word, or deed.

We may believe we are weak mentally or physically unable to complete a task. We may be committed to believing that there is no way our "strength" can increase. It is usually not about our physicality – so often, it is the amazing endurance of Spirit and Soul. Our creative force requires the ability to go that little bit further, to reach a little higher, to extend ourselves, to go well beyond our individual comfort zones.

The second part of our strength is preparing ourself and then strength will come through, just at the point we are ready to give up.  Keep going; we can go so much further than we believe we can! This is not the time to turn back or to allow the challenges/ tests to take us.

This is the time to continue the journey you committed to – because you are being tested and you can pass this test. But you must keep going. Eyes forward. Intention focused. Purpose clear!

Only then, if someone says, "It is what it is," might we agree.  Well, maybe.

Life Lessons to Keep on Learning

There are so many great lessons in life.  I made a list  of the most important ones for me.  These “lessons”  have had a great impact in my own life thus far.  Read On!

1. We get treated in life the way we teach others to treat us.

You have no idea how true this is. It was us who allowed THEM at one point to start treating us the way they do and little by little we got into the mess we are right now, having to live with the consequences. Respect and love yourself and others will do the same.

2. There are no mistakes, only lessons we need to master.

The idea is for us to learn from everything and everyone, of course, if you want to, and if you don’t, well, your life will look at 40 the same way it did when you were 20 and at 60 the way it looked when you were 40, and so on.

3.  Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves.

 A lot of people think that the moment they decide to forgive somebody who once hurt them, the person who receives the forgiveness is the only one who will benefit from this kind gesture, but that’s not the case. I can tell you that the person who will benefit the most is the person who does the forgiving. Holding onto anger and resentment can do you no good; it’s like having a clenched fist 24/7.

4. What you resist persists… and what you focus on… expands.

We’re resisting change, we’re resisting our problems, resisting the weather, resisting our friends and family, resisting our responsibilities, our job, our boss… our lives. There are so many things we are resisting, not realizing that resistance will only make things worse. Carl Jung talks about this, warning us that what we resist not only will persist but will also grow in size.

5. Life is all about the journey and less about the destination.

 A lot of times we get so caught up in what we want to achieve, that perfect picture, that end result, that we forget to live and to really enjoy this journey called life. Now,you may want to take a deep cleansing breath, and allow yourself to be present in everything you do. Allow yourself to enjoy each second of your life; to observe the world around you; to observe the people that are present in your life and the beauty that is present within you and all around you, life in general.

6. People deserve a second chance.

The moment you forgive somebody, chances are that you will also give them a second chance, a chance to be near you, without trying to remind them of what they did to you, treating them not as they are, or as they once were, but rather as you want them to be. By doing this, you are also allowing them to grow and to become better and better every day. Your ego might tell you to “let these people go” but what does your heart tell you? We are all humans, we all make mistakes, and we all deserve a second chance.

7. If you don’t believe in yourself, nobody else will.

Don’t expect others to see gold where you can only see dust. If you don’t believe in yourself, if you don’t believe that you are a capable, a worthy human being, chances are that nobody will. You will act on that belief and people will treat you based on what you think about yourself, based on how you treat yourself and based on how you act and behave in the world.

8.  Our attitude towards LIFE will determine Life's attitude towards us.

If you think life is unfair, that bad things always happen to you, chances are that life will treat you unfairly, and you will always have many reasons to complain about. On the other hand, if you think life is a gift, a gift for you to enjoy, not to keep, that wonderful things always happen to you, that wonderful people are being drawn to you, life will give you all of those things and even more. Just how there is a law of gravity, there is also a law of attraction, and based on this law, you attract in your life that which you think about all day long, you attract that which you are, because you see, like attracts like.

9. If you love yourself, chances are  others will love you also.

It’s all about self love, it all starts with self love. If you don’t have love for yourself, how can you expect to get it from somebody else? Love yourself and others will love you also.

10. The world has plenty of information, but not enough inspiration.

If you think about it, now with the technological revolution, we get access to so much information. Let’s take for example a tiny chip. How much information can you store on it? Isn’t it incredible? We have more information than ever… but when it comes to inspiration (in- spirit) I would say that we have a deficit. We focus too much on the outside and not enough on the inside. We can’t seem to understand that it all starts from within. If the inside is a mess, the outside will also be a mess. Listen to your heart, listen to your intuition and know that: “The only real valuable thing is intuition.” Albert Einstein

11. The world won’t change if you don’t change.

You hear people all the time complaining about how crazy the world is and how they want it to change, but if you tell them to make the first step…: “What? Me? Do you think there is something wrong with me? I am perfect, there is nothing I need to change. These people are crazy and they need to change, not me! They are the ones who are destroying us all, not me… Those bastards!” 

You see,the outside world is a reflection of who we all are on the inside, and all this madness that is taking place around us, is a result of our collective consciousness, and unfortunately it’s a very polluted consciousness. It’s not just them, it’s us, us all. If we want the world to change, we have to start with ourselves, and trust me, there is something wrong with many of us. With you, with me, with he and she…

12. Loneliness is different from solitude.

There is a difference between being lonely and being in solitude. When you are in solitude, you take advantage of it to get in touch with you inner self, to meditate and to quiet your mind, and that constant need to be around others in order for you to no longer feel lonely, will disappear. Wayne Dyer talk about this in such a wonderful way, saying that we can never be lonely if we like the person we’re alone with. If you like yourself, if you have no problem with your own person, if you have accepted yourself completely, you will be content with having some quiet time, away from all the noise. You will feel happy when alone and also when surrounded by other people.

13. The more we express our attitude the more we have to be grateful for.

The law of Attraction works in all that is good and also in all that is bad, and it’s only up to us whether we choose to focus our attention on the negative or on the positive. Focus your attention on the many great things you have and you are grateful for, and you will see that the more you do that, the more reasons you will have to express your gratitude for.

14. Patience is a virtue.

In order for things to happen, in order for anything to happen, we need to be patient. We first plant the seed of greatness and then we wait for it to grow, we allow it to grow; we take care of it and we protect it. Great things take time and we need to learn how to give time, time. This is a hard one for me.

15.  Courage is not the absence of fear.

Fear, that crazy fear who won’t allow us to move forward, who won’t allow us to grow and transform our lives and of those around us will always be present in our lives. Even though many of us know that fear does not exist and that fear is only in our mind, we choose to be paralyzed by it and we choose to allow it to control our lives, our dreams, our goals and the level of our happiness.  Fear will be present whenever you want to stretch, whenever you want to get out of your comfort zone and whenever you want to do more, be more, have more. What we need to do is look beyond it,  and always be aware of the fact that most of the things we fear never happen, because

FEAR is  nothing more than… False Expectation… Appearing Real.

SPIRIT UNBROKEN: A Journey of Hope, Survival, and Beating the Odds

Although SRIRIT UNBROKEN appears to be a novel, the story is true. It is a work of non-fiction, a history that needed to be told. In my personal "sharing" it is hoped that others might gain even the smallest amount of comfort and possibly guidance from my own journey and experiences. There is the chance that you might recognize similarities to your own youth. Most assuredly, you know someone with a similar background. I am anyone; unfortunately, I am everywhere. I share my story for everyone that cannot tell his or hers.


This writing is an open acknowledgement to a childhood existence that was far from normal and healthy. There are times that are still beyond any understanding and explanation… and are left unspoken, even now. However, the message within these pages is positive and hopefully healing for those who need to close the open wounds…forever. This is a journey of human spirit and hope.

Identifying can be on many levels.The numbers of people in America who have not been able to acknowledge their own difficult or abusive childhoods are far greater than the published statistics. So many generations were silent then and remain so, today. Our Society as a whole, only recently increased both its effort and awareness to help protect its children. It’s been years in coming. We are finally becoming aware of its epidemic proportions.


The published statistics of children that have grown up in families where abuse of any kind: physical, emotional, or sexual exists, as well as children growing up in homes that are Dysfunctional…is staggering. Today, in one year alone, child protective service agencies investigate almost three million reports alleging maltreatment of children.


The prevalence of Child Abuse statistically is far greater than most would believe. In just one area alone, Sexual Abuse, one in four girls, or twenty-five percent are sexually abused before the age of fourteen! One in six boys, or roughly seventeen percent are sexually abused before the age of sixteen! Americans, for the most part, are unaware of these facts.


There are approximately 60 million survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse in the United States, today. Mathematically, that represents almost one fifth of the total population of the 2000 Census. The median age for reported abuse is 9.9 years for boys and 9.6 years for females. Sadly, only one child in ten ever tells of the sexual abuse. Fabrication of abuse amazingly occurs in only one to four percent of all reported cases.


Consequences of a negative and abusive childhood affect our society. Excessive drug and alcohol abuse is reported by seventy to eighty percent of survivors. Young girls who have been abused are more likely to develop eating and psychiatric disorders. Among male survivors, more than three- quarters have a history of substance abuse, more than one- half had suicidal thoughts, one quarter attempted suicide and more that two thirds received psychological treatment. And if all this weren’t enough, thirty one percent of males victimized…go on to victimize others!


My story is candidly told to both enlighten and alert not to sensationalize. Childhood Abuse is a disease that our society can cure and prevent. It knows no boundaries within Racial, Economic, and Social groups. There are no clear- cut definitions as to what is and isn’t abuse. If the action is harmful to the child, it is unhealthy and abusive. This is a disease that does not call for extensive scientific research looking for a cure.


Rather, it is a disease that elicits recognition and commitment on the part of all responsible adults. Early recognition, acknowledgement, and subsequent intervention are necessary. However, the abused, as well as the abuser, need rehabilitation after that point or the cycle perpetuates itself and the statistics remain a constant. Once the abuse stops…it is far from over, as the startling figures above indicate.

The consequences of Childhood Abuse affect the quality of life for everyone in our country, not just its survivors. Its effects are far-reaching and negative. Statistics strongly support that fact. My God-given spirit and attitude are the exception for those that are abuse survivors…the overwhelming majority of its victims are not nearly so fortunate.   Amazingly, I have beaten all the odds.

Challenges that Change Us!

In life, we can not control what is done to us, but we always have a choice in how we react to those tests and challenges.

Choice is what separates humans from other mammals. Even if we fail with one test or challenge…a new one will come along in which we get to choose all over again. Perhaps, it is so we finally get it correct. Life, as given, isn’t always easy; it’s not supposed to be.Often, we do not especially like the choices as they are presented to us and sometimes they are even unfair…but they are choices nonetheless. It is empowering to know we have that ability. With each and every positive choice we make for ourselves and towards others we give ourselves integrity and honor. We further define who we are as Human Beings. Think of this in even greater terms.

All of us lost something this year. Unfortunately, so many lost employment, homes, and suffered financially in some way. It will be a time of recovery and plentiful new opportunities. Some of us lost our way in relationships, either at work or at home. It will be a period of reconciliation and hopefully, forgiveness.

And a few of us might even have slipped into areas of human weaknesses and perhaps hurt those we love most. Now, it will be a journey of great personal strength and courage moving forward in a healthy and positive way. Difficult situations in our own lives give us the opportunity to become not only stronger within ourselves, but more compassionate towards others, as well.

May we all use these lessons to improve who we are while here on Earth. Sue