OUR LIVES are OURS TO CHOOSE.  CHOOSE the PATH of HAPPINESS and FULFILLMENT!

      We all want to learn how to live a happy life.  For a long time I wondered what it took to be sincerely happy and have inner peace.  As I pursued money, relationships, and career success, I thankfully realized that happiness doesn’t come from the outside; happiness comes from within each of us.  Eureka.

     It is something that is present all the time within you and me.  Imagine the layers of an onion being your negative beliefs, thoughts, and fears. As we peel away the layers, (what you are not), we eventually reach the core (who you really are). We are all here on Earth to find meaning and purpose.

     Learning how to live a happy life is not about locking yourself in a closet and meditating for the rest of your life. We as human beings are designed to set and achieve goals, so we need goals to feel fulfilled. These are all only a piece of the pie of living a happy life, but we have to keep in mind that it is not the external things in our lives that make us happy, but rather what is going on inside of us.

MAKING the CHOICE TO CHANGE

     It all begins with the choice to be happier, to start studying the commonalities of “happy people.”  What are they doing? How do they think? How do they face challenges?  Most people want something for nothing.  If your life isn’t as good as you want it to be right now, you are the only one that can change it for the better.
      We have to become clear about what we want in life and who we want to be.   We do not have to settle for mediocrity. Almost every limit in our lives we set ourselves.  Think about that for a moment.  Most of the negative beliefs we have, we have learned from society, friends, and even parents.

     These beliefs can all be eliminated.  We can take control of our own destiny and be happy.  We can shape our future, to be healthy and productive.  Now, I realize that we can’t “control” everything in life, but we certainly can create a happy life if we choose to. 

Taking Responsibility

     You alone are responsible for your life. You may think you have “valid” excuses/ reasons of why you’re not as successful or happy, as you should be.  Guess what?  Our excuses don’t matter, because they won’t change anything.  Do you want to give your excuses the power of controlling your life?  Or do you want to reclaim the power that you’ve always had?  It is God-given to all of us.
      We can whine, blame, and make excuses all we want, but it will only keep us stuck. If we look at some of the happiest and most successful people, you will notice that most of them did not come from privileged backgrounds.   In fact, many of them had to face brutal challenges in order to get to where they are. The ironic thing is that it wasn’t their problems or challenges that held them back from a happier life.  The drama and problems we face in life, can help us grow as human beings if we have the courage to face them and get through them.

 Personal Growth

     Learning how to live a happy life is about learning how we work.  It is up to us to take control of our own being.  By that I mean our thoughts, our health, and the path we follow.  We can go after dreams and we can make a living doing what we want if we just make the decision to do so.
     It really isn’t any harder than that.  Learning how to live a happy life… almost happens on its own when you make the decision that you are going to be happy and not miserable.

 Goals

     When we make the decision to be happy, the next step is to set clear goals of what we want to achieve in each of the main areas of our life.  The main areas in life are: health, work, relationships, and personal growth!

Use the SMART criteria, which stands for:

• Specific
• Measurable
• Attainable
• Realistic
• Timely

     I used these in teaching and my students would later contact me and say they still found them powerful in their chosen careers, personal lives, and future goals.

      Metaphorically, many choose to sit in the passenger seat of the “car” that is their life. They let the car go where it wants to go and then complain when it ends up in a wrong place or worse yet, a ditch!  Successful and happy people take control of the wheel and steer the car where they want to go.

Small Steps

     Never underestimate how much you can accomplish just by taking one single step, each day, toward your goals.  Learning how to live a happy life is about focusing on the tasks that have the biggest impact on your life.  It is up to us to focus on changing our individual habits and beliefs.
     When we set goals, we then know the direction we need to go.  We don’t have to know exactly how you will get there, but you do have to take one step every single day, or as often as possible to make it happen.

 Action

     Nothing happens without action.  Don’t talk about it; do it! When you can take consistent action in the right direction and work on the most valuable tasks, you can accomplish anything you want.  Most people underestimate the power of focus, determination, and action. When you’ve found a goal that sets your soul on fire and makes joy pump through your veins, it will be almost impossible for you not to take action. 
     For me, it was improving the lives of children who face challenges and lives that are difficult without intervention.  I felt like I had to do it, but didn’t know where or how to start.  Quickly, I learned that excuses, fears, or obstacles could not stand in the way. It has been in the journey that I have learned to be the happiest.  I have failed so many times, but still I persist.

 Determination

     It wasn’t until I got this fire inside me that I started making progress. Something funny happens when you make the choice to live a happy life. It’s almost as if the universe conspires to help you. Learning how to live a happy life keeps coming back to the decision… to actually do it. Our lives will never be perfect and the stars will never accurately align. The “perfect” circumstances we need… will not occur until we actually take action.  It is each of us who has to take the first step.  It can’t be done for us.

 Follow Your Passion

     Most of us know what our heart yearns for, but we are afraid to go after it.  It is often the thing that we’re afraid of doing, but desperately want to do, that is our passion and purpose in life.  I remember a few years ago before I started writing as a profession.  I was afraid that I had nothing to contribute to the world with my writing and I was afraid of the fact that I wasn’t good enough.

     Fortunately, I stood up to my fears.  I wasn’t going to let anything stand in my way of doing what I love.  Amazingly, as I started writing, dozens of people read and responded to my writing.  As of right now, tens of thousands of people read my words every single month.

     I sincerely believe that the fears we have about going after our passion are unfounded. They are there to challenge and to see if we are truly serious about living a happy and fulfilling life.  It is scary, but I’d say that living a life full of excuses and fear is worse than going after your dreams. 

 So what if you fail?  You are living the life of happiness… in the pursuit!

 LIVING LIFE REAL...  BE WHO YOU WERE MEANT TO BE!

CHANGE IS GOOD; USE IT WELL!

 

CHANGE IS GOOD; USE IT WELL!

CHANGE YOUR PRESENT LIFE!

Now this is interesting. While we can’t change the past or predict the future, we can change the present life we are living.  We have the choice, every single day, to do what we’re doing.

I would love to sit here and tell you that I’m writing from home because I was so inspired that I quit my “other” job to pursue my dream of being a full-time fiction writer. I would love to say that I’m going to edit all of the negativity out of my life once and for all… and live happily ever after for the rest  of my life.   Of course, it’s not that easy. There are real life issues when it comes to living the present.  Personal issues, family issues and… well, life itself crowds the every day agenda.   If we could all just do what we wanted to do every day, it would be nice, but that’s not realistic.

This brings us to a logical question: What can you take out of your present to make your life more of what you want it to be? Believe it or not, there are things you can change to make your world more of what you want it to be. Too often we settle for things as they are, assuming that is how they have to be. They don’t. You have the God-given ability to cut things out : negative people, bad places, unhealthy activities and habits, and whatever it takes in order to improve your current life’s story. Just as when you’re editing the written word,  it’s not easy to cut things out, but it can be accomplished.

This is what we need to do in real life though… edit. When you’re writing your life, you can’t have everything in the story or it gets cluttered and chaotic. What’s important to you? Give your own story strength of character and integrity of personal choices.  You can’t control what others do, but you can control your own actions!

The past may be gone and the future might be uncertain, but we have the power to choose our “ now.”

CHILD ABUSE CONTINUES TO BE A SOCIETAL DISEASE for ALL

 April is National Child Abuse Month; The Great Equalizer... CHILD ABUSE!

Abuse does not discriminate by gender, age, religion, ethnicity, or social status. Be vigilant, be verbal, and be pointed to those who are abusers. SPEAK UP AND SPEAK OUT!

Indeed, it really is the one time that: ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL.  My life's vocation has been to work with and help those who have been abused as a child or are being abused now as a child or teen.  The path continues for me.

Abuse can be delivered to the offended by sexual, physical, emotional, or verbal abuse. Each and every one of these types of abuse is equally as damaging to our self-esteem, our souls, or our physical being...if we let it prevail. Whether we are being abused now or have been abused in the past, it in no way defines either who we are... or who we are able to become. We are what we choose for ourselves; we are not defined by what has been said or done to us!

The road is wide open, but it is up to us to take the first step. The abuser can not love themselves, therefore they are unable (or unwilling) to love us. It is never because we are unworthy of being loved. But do we love ourselves? Today is a good day to start. Be a person that is admired by being a person who values his/her own self-worth.

May blessings and strength find you.  

Happy is as HAPPY DOES!

 As a writer of a POSITIVE LIFE BLOG… SPIRIT UNBROKEN, I am often asked how others, my readers, can become “happier” in their own lives. In the next few weeks, I will share things that I have said “yes” to and that has helped me to become happier in my own life. Just by picking a few of these ideas, you too will be on the track to being more content and happier overall. I do not have all the answers, but as I age and look back on my own wins vs. losses things become clearer and worth passing along.

Being Imperfect Trying to be perfect is setting the bar too high. It will be impossible to reach and ultimately lowers your self-esteem. You may not feel very happy about how things are going in your life even though they might be going very well indeed. “Perfectionism” for yourself eats at you and your happiness. Embrace your own imperfectness.

Believing in perfection Often we actually believe what we see about relationships and families by watching “perfect families” and “how love should be” on television and in the movies. It looks so good and wonderful and you want it for yourself. Best-selling authors capitalize on this formula over and over again. However, in real life, it clashes with reality and it can harm or possibly lead you to end relationships, jobs, projects, etc. just because your expectations are fiction. It is very useful to remind yourself: No one has it all in spite of outer appearance! I know this for a fact.

Go for good Aiming for “perfection” usually winds up in a project or something else progressing very slowly or never being finished at all. Perhaps, go for good instead. Warning: Don’t use "good" as an excuse to slack off. Simply realize that there is something called “good” and even “very good” and that’s not a bad thing.

Being Yourself Not being able to be yourself, always trying to change for others, or censoring yourself doesn’t feel good at all. It makes life feel so small and limited. Supportive people. Spend more time with the people who support your dreams, values, and you as a person. Or at least people who are not antagonistic and negative. Try spending less time with people who normally criticize you.

Supportive and life-expanding experiences. Change your environment from time to time. Go further and spend more time with sources of information that support your dreams and can give you information that expands and makes your life happier. Accordingly, spend less time with negative and limiting influences.

Things you like It is important to find some time and energy for the things that make you come alive. Mix it up. Try something new, even if it is just something small, each week. Eat a vegetarian dish at lunch if you always eat meat. Listen to some music that isn’t your norm. Go out to a movie, café, or pub with friends if you usually stay in at night. Perhaps it’s the other way around. If you are someone who surrounds themselves with others, try spending quality time… alone. Creating variation and expanding your comfort zone regularly in small ways, is key to living a happier life. Boredom creates contempt. Reconnect. If you used to go fishing, paint, or play the guitar and it really made you come alive… then discover it again. Use an hour for it this week and see if it still brings you joy and makes you come alive.

Be Optimistic Pessimism can really limit your life and bring it to a standstill. It can make it feel like there’s no point in trying because it won’t make a difference or you’ll just fail. It can create ceilings and walls made out of glass where there really are none. Ask questions. When you’re in what seems like a negative situation, then make something better out of it by asking yourself questions that promote optimism and help you to find solutions. For example: What is one thing that is positive or good about this situation? Or what is the opportunity within this situation?

Start off positive. Good influences in your life can make a huge difference. Therefore, start your day off with positive things: A good breakfast, a form of exercise you enjoy, reading, or praying... if only for a short time. You get the idea!

Forgiveness. Forgiving is not always easy and can take time, but there are some things that can make it a little easier. You forgive for you. As long as you don’t forgive someone you are forever linked to that person. Your thoughts will return to the person who wronged you and what he or she did…. over and over again. The emotional link between the two of you is so strong and inflicts much suffering in you and, as a result of your inner turmoil, and often in other people around you too. When you forgive, you release yourself.

Make a habit of forgiving yourself. Do not just forgive others, but also yourself. By forgiving yourself – instead of resenting yourself for something you did a week or years ago, you make the habit of forgiveness more and more of a natural part of you. And so forgiving others becomes easier too.

Don’t just take the word “happy” for granted. Live it, practice it, and you too shall become it. HAPPY… in life, work, and relationships.

YOU CAN'T FAKE THE TRUTH

HONESTY IS INTEGRITY!

 OTHERS MAY NOT LIKE WHAT YOU SAY, BUT THE TRUTH WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR ADVANTAGE  

 by Sue Brown

Sadly, dishonesty is everywhere… in all cultures, countries, and religions.  Lack of honesty is for many different reasons, unfortunately,  most dishonesty is for personal gain. The gain is either monetary or per recognition.

There are doctors who not only malpractice but in addition file unjust insurance claims, lawyers who think they have to be dishonest (misrepresent) to win cases, and similarly, there is an overabundant amount of dishonesty in the business world!  However, one of the worst forms of dishonesty is with those with that we interact daily.

It appears that we are afraid to speak up or address a particular wrong that we see or are part of ourselves. Who does this help?  Not the offender as the negative behavior will continue unless addressed. Often in my writings, I call this Integrity.  Integrity is addressing a wrong (or in most cases) doing the right thing… regardless of the outcome.  It is not always an easy choice but must be done if we are to make the World a better place for others. It is a daily struggle.

The interesting thing in this is that others might have another perception, another meter to judge on just what is honest and what is dishonest. And sometimes it is not easy to say that they were wrong.  A lawyer friend once said to me, “We lawyers are there to bend the truth so that it can fit into the law.”  Yes, he was being glib.  But, for some people, this is dishonesty, for a lawyer… this might be honest work.

And of course, the most difficult thing to be honest about… is feelings. Why? As humans, we have problems with both telling the truth and accepting it too. Sometimes, we are so close to it… that it’s difficult to see.  And then, there is always that personal agenda.

The truth is right and will always be right; there is no reason to be ashamed or afraid of the truth.

The Inner Peace that Comes with Understanding, Acceptance, and Life Lessons

 Over the years, I have tried to either lose or correct my own shortcomings.  It is a work in progress.  Still! However, each time I am disappointed, scared, or worried... I revert back to old habits.  WHY?  I recently realized it is because I think (believe) that others are responsible, (and sometimes affecting) the WHO, WHAT, and WHY of my existence.  Age has brought me to a new place.  I share it with all.  Each day that I am on this Earth I have learned a new lesson and for that, I am so grateful.

It is so easy in life to forget that we are responsible for our own success, happiness, and inner peace. 

It is often easier to blame others than to own up to our personal failures. Many people I speak with have difficulty in this area. It is always someone else's fault that they didn't get the promotion. It is because of a difficult childhood (past or present) that they are unhappy or not accomplishing what God put them on Earth to accomplish. Or...the most powerful to overcome is a lack of inner peace. Often, this lack consumes all energies and thought. "Why can't I be happy?" The answer is rather straightforward and so simple that it might elude us at first. 

We give happiness to ourselves by accepting equal amounts of credit for a job well done and at the same time, owning up to human errors in judgment and personal failure. 

 

It is not necessary to be perfect, but what is necessary is to step up to the plate and accept responsibility for our actions and place in life. If we are not happy where we are in life, who we have become, and what we are doing...we need to change...not the world around us.

Be proactive in these areas and success, happiness, and inner peace will follow.

WE CAN, WE WILL, WE MUST... CHANGE THINGS FOR THE BETTER!

IMPACT THE WORLD... MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

   Look around you and you’ll see three kinds of people. There are those who hate their life and work, and complain bitterly, those who just tolerate their life and work and see it as their "lot in life," and finally, those who love their life and work, and relish it. That's because it's their "life's-work."  The third category is a small subset of all professionals world-wide, but this group stands out because these are often the people who change the world for the better. They never stop trying to improve the lives of others... no matter how small the change.

   In my work as a writer, I’ve had the opportunity to connect with people who’ve made a true and measurable impact in the world. Each and every time I have met and written about them, it has been an honor. However, among this group of what I shall call "influencers" there are also many everyday people who have found a special niche in which they’ve contributed at the highest level. It’s critical to note that people who’ve made a real difference aren’t all privileged, advantaged or “special” by any stretch. Many come from disadvantaged families, crushing circumstances, and initially limited capabilities, but have found ways to pick themselves up and rise above their circumstances (and often their genes) to transform their own lives and those around them. I have become aware that there are often similar key behaviors that set them apart from others. They dedicate themselves to what gives their own life meaning and purpose.

   Many people don’t believe in meaning and purpose as something to pursue in their own life. While others believe in a life purpose, but won’t take the risk to identify or honor it. Those with positive influence feel otherwise. They have found that there is a purpose to their life and that purpose usually involves some aspect of turning their "gifts" into a message or using what they’ve learned (often the hard way) as a means of being of service to others. People with a sense of purpose are driven, focused, committed, and light up a room. They are unable to be deterred or distracted from what they believe is the reason they’re on this planet at this particular time. This sense of meaning and purpose gives them inexhaustible drive and offers guideposts to follow along the path. They commit to continually bettering themselves.

  People who impact the world for the better know that they are not perfect. They understand how their knowledge isn’t “complete.” There are always going to be gaps, biases, limitations, and prejudices. But... they keep at it anyway; they are inexhaustible!

People who positively shape the world come from a “beginner’s mind” and a loving, compassionate heart — with an openness to see, learn, and experience new things on the way to being a better "servant" to others. They engage with people in open and honest ways.

Those with huge positive influence understand the power of relationships, connection, and engaging with the world openly. They’re not afraid to get “out there” connecting with others, sharing their knowledge and talents, offering their authentic and often contrary viewpoints and opinions. They know that positive, supportive, and authentic relationships are the necessary building blocks to anything and everything they want to achieve. They invest time and energy not in what is "wrong," but rather in what "can be."

The people I’ve interviewed who’ve made a positive impact on Society, don’t settle for conformity. When they see something that agitates and disturbs them, they strive to know more, get to the root of the issue, research and understand the contributing factors, and arrive at new solutions. They observe gaps and mistakes in common thinking and behavior and trust themselves in their belief that it’s time to push the boundaries of what’s accepted. They want to affect change because they believe change will bring a better way to live. They spread what they know.

We’ve all met “experts” who keep their knowledge secret, close to the vest. They’re afraid to let it out for fear someone will steal it or make money on their ideas. This is the opposite of the positive influencer’s mindset. Those who make a true positive difference can’t help but share and teach what they’ve learned. They don’t see their knowledge as just some commodity to sell... they see it as information that has to be shared with the world for its betterment. They live the universal principle: “The more you give, the more you get.” They use their power and influence well.

Sadly, it’s a common occurrence in the world... and Politics of late... to witness power and influence being wielded as a weapon. It hurts and destroys. Positive influencers use their power well and wisely. Those who impact the world for the better are careful and wise with their words, actions, and behaviors. They operate with open heart and care deeply about their leadership, communication, and the influence they have on others. They take it seriously, as a special honor and responsibility not to be flaunted or misused. They understand their special role, and accept it with grace, compassion, and care.

Here's to all of us changing the world for the better. No task is too small.