I had an epiphany several months back, when I watched the Inauguration of our country's 44th President. Everything in our given lives is about coming from a place of impossible odds and overcoming those challenges as they are presented. For our new President, Barack Obama and his family, it's not really about them being the first African American family to inhabit the White House, but rather that they "defied the odds" in doing so. I liked that. It is how I described my own journey in overcoming Child Abuse. I defied the odds as well, in that I am whole and healthy in spirit, but there are many of us ... in many areas. All of us face some test of defying the odds at some point. Whether it's overcoming current or past abuse, financial and/or emotional tests, drug and alcohol addiction or any number of other things...if we defy the odds...we win!
In my book, I write about how blessed I feel, that in spite of my background...I am relatively unscathed. When I think about it further, I know that it was also positive action on my part. When we overcome statistical odds in our own lives and come out better on the other side...we are "Obama" in our own right. No one chooses to be an Abused Child. Similarly, no one gets to choose their birth parents, sex, skin color, or even nationality. The mere fact that we arrive on this Earth as humans, at all ...is somewhat of a statistical miracle. We arrive from the fertlization of a single sperm finding a single egg. That's defying the odds right there in our own birth.
In this great country of the United States, we also get to choose other things that we take for granted; freedom of speech and freedom of religion are just two. We saw it in action during this past campaign. There are more. We have the freedom to leave our own negative choices and pasts behind us at any time. We have the freedom to pursue an education, and take it to the highest level, similar to our new president, and therefore secure good employment. We have the freedom to help others and give generously of ourselves to make America a better place for all. That follows that we can be a country of givers and not takers. This applies to all of us. It appears we are off to a start in that direction...maybe for the first time. We also have the freedom to stop whining about what we don't have, can't do, or don't like...and make our own changes. The new administration is not going to pay our rent/mortgage, lower gas/food prices, and cure all the other issues facing our country.
When I think of the slogan "Time for a Change" it means that we all have to change in some personal area; this is not a slogan for the new administration alone. Defy the odds, overcome your own challenges and become better with each day. In America, all things are possible. Sue
Once again...MySpace and Facebook: often unhealthy!
STILL...the following article gets so many "hits" on my Blog... it's important to include it here as well for a time. Children and young people are too often abused by adults, that is a given, but often they take on the "abuse" themselves in their MySpace and Facebook use. If this hits home, in any fashion...please read on:
I often wonder how many of us would have become better people or have accomplished more with our lives if we had "walked away" from things that were unhealthy. There are so many things that are "unhealthy" for us, that I believe we are not even aware of the long term repercussions, until it's too late to make corrections. The Internet provides the new positive as well as the new unhealthy.
For some of the best years of my life, I have taught young people. Although it appeared that I was an English teacher/professor...what I really taught was about LIFE! My message was not subtle; I am not a subtle person. Life is hard and it requires a steady course to overcome our individual tests and limitations. As of late, I am so angered and disappointed by what I see posted by so many young people on Facebook and MySpace. What you put on today, you own forever. Forever!
Not only are things being said/done that can never be erased, (once it is on the Internet it can be "recalled" for eternity...I need to repeat that ), but there seems to be great delight in "shocking" the viewers/readers. You know, EVERYONE can see those postings, right? Family, employers, teachers...everyone. I see it as a call for help from the younger generations. In its basic form, it is too often desperation to be noticed...if even in a negative way.
When a young person blatantly acts out in words/deeds...they are in trouble and need guidance. I know this from experience and personal involvement. Excessive drinking and drugs, posing nearly nude or in suggestive sexual positions, excessive self -mutilation (be it piercing or body art ), and words/deeds that hurt others are...never signs of a healthy young person. When it is posted for the world to see you open yourself up to all kinds of future liability, criticism, and heartache. Sadly, you are abusing yourself. I can't view it any other way.
I get that all young people test and act out. However, excessive testing and acting out and then "posting" it on line for the world to see... has dangerous and long lasting repercussions. Even if your site is marked "private" one of your less scrupulous contacts has theirs wide-open for the world to see and read. Your "privacy" is their fodder. Duh!
If you are someone with a healthy self-image, you don't need approval or validation from anyone else as to how "cool" you are. You give yourself honor and integrity by doing good things for yourself and giving generously to others. Over drinking/ doing drugs, body parts with excessive art(?), eating disorders (too much or too little food; it doesn't matter), or beating up on others physically or verbally are just scabs on the wounds that will never heal.
Do something that you can be proud of and then post it on-line. The world is watching. You will be pleased not only today, but five and ten years from now as well. If you are in an unhealthy "space" it stops today. If you need help, ask for it! You have that choice. Pretty amazing to be human. However, do it so you can "face" your choices with pride down the road.
Sue
I often wonder how many of us would have become better people or have accomplished more with our lives if we had "walked away" from things that were unhealthy. There are so many things that are "unhealthy" for us, that I believe we are not even aware of the long term repercussions, until it's too late to make corrections. The Internet provides the new positive as well as the new unhealthy.
For some of the best years of my life, I have taught young people. Although it appeared that I was an English teacher/professor...what I really taught was about LIFE! My message was not subtle; I am not a subtle person. Life is hard and it requires a steady course to overcome our individual tests and limitations. As of late, I am so angered and disappointed by what I see posted by so many young people on Facebook and MySpace. What you put on today, you own forever. Forever!
Not only are things being said/done that can never be erased, (once it is on the Internet it can be "recalled" for eternity...I need to repeat that ), but there seems to be great delight in "shocking" the viewers/readers. You know, EVERYONE can see those postings, right? Family, employers, teachers...everyone. I see it as a call for help from the younger generations. In its basic form, it is too often desperation to be noticed...if even in a negative way.
When a young person blatantly acts out in words/deeds...they are in trouble and need guidance. I know this from experience and personal involvement. Excessive drinking and drugs, posing nearly nude or in suggestive sexual positions, excessive self -mutilation (be it piercing or body art ), and words/deeds that hurt others are...never signs of a healthy young person. When it is posted for the world to see you open yourself up to all kinds of future liability, criticism, and heartache. Sadly, you are abusing yourself. I can't view it any other way.
I get that all young people test and act out. However, excessive testing and acting out and then "posting" it on line for the world to see... has dangerous and long lasting repercussions. Even if your site is marked "private" one of your less scrupulous contacts has theirs wide-open for the world to see and read. Your "privacy" is their fodder. Duh!
If you are someone with a healthy self-image, you don't need approval or validation from anyone else as to how "cool" you are. You give yourself honor and integrity by doing good things for yourself and giving generously to others. Over drinking/ doing drugs, body parts with excessive art(?), eating disorders (too much or too little food; it doesn't matter), or beating up on others physically or verbally are just scabs on the wounds that will never heal.
Do something that you can be proud of and then post it on-line. The world is watching. You will be pleased not only today, but five and ten years from now as well. If you are in an unhealthy "space" it stops today. If you need help, ask for it! You have that choice. Pretty amazing to be human. However, do it so you can "face" your choices with pride down the road.
Sue
The Empowerment of Positive Choice in Our Lives!
In life, we can not control what is done to us, but we always have a choice in how we react to those tests and challenges. Choice is what separates humans from other mammals. That is self- empowering. Even if we fail with one test or challenge…a new one will come along in which we get to choose all over again. Perhaps, it is so we finally get it right. Life, as given, isn’t always easy; it’s not supposed to be. However, when it comes to our own human faults, it is very forgiving in that we get to "correct" our human weaknesses and errors should we so choose.
Often, we do not especially like the choices as they are presented to us and sometimes they are even unfair…but they are choices nonetheless. It is empowering to know we have that ability to choose a new path...at any time. With each and every positive choice we make for ourselves... and towards others... we give ourselves honor. We also get to further define who we are as Human Beings. Think of this in even greater terms.
All of us lost something this past year. Unfortunately, so many lost employment, homes, and suffered financially in some way. In spite of outward appearances, no one has it all. Looks are very deceiving. 2009 has been a time of recovery and new opportunities. Have we taken full stock of what we already have; or have we just taken Life's given gifts for granted? Some of us lost our way in relationships either at work or at home. It will be a period of reconciliation and hopefully, forgiveness. And a few of us might even have slipped into areas of human weaknesses: drugs, alcohol, and unfaithfulness and perhaps hurt those we love. Are we stronger and recovered now? Have we atoned for our bad decisions and actions?
This year continues to be a journey of great personal strength and courage moving forward in a healthy and positive way. We're almost to the halfway point of the year. Have we changed anything for the better? Have we become better people? Have we learned to correct our mistakes? Each and every day we each have the God given ability to start over and make new choices.
Real situations in a continued quest to improve our own Human Footprints in our time on Earth. Choose well.
Often, we do not especially like the choices as they are presented to us and sometimes they are even unfair…but they are choices nonetheless. It is empowering to know we have that ability to choose a new path...at any time. With each and every positive choice we make for ourselves... and towards others... we give ourselves honor. We also get to further define who we are as Human Beings. Think of this in even greater terms.
All of us lost something this past year. Unfortunately, so many lost employment, homes, and suffered financially in some way. In spite of outward appearances, no one has it all. Looks are very deceiving. 2009 has been a time of recovery and new opportunities. Have we taken full stock of what we already have; or have we just taken Life's given gifts for granted? Some of us lost our way in relationships either at work or at home. It will be a period of reconciliation and hopefully, forgiveness. And a few of us might even have slipped into areas of human weaknesses: drugs, alcohol, and unfaithfulness and perhaps hurt those we love. Are we stronger and recovered now? Have we atoned for our bad decisions and actions?
This year continues to be a journey of great personal strength and courage moving forward in a healthy and positive way. We're almost to the halfway point of the year. Have we changed anything for the better? Have we become better people? Have we learned to correct our mistakes? Each and every day we each have the God given ability to start over and make new choices.
Real situations in a continued quest to improve our own Human Footprints in our time on Earth. Choose well.
Owning Our Faults/Failures
Admitting we are "wrong" in any situation... is difficult. Admitting we have done something "wrong" to another human being... is even more difficult. Sometimes, I refer to it as stepping up to the plate. Similar to an athlete that might not see the ball coming directly at them...stepping up to the plate...to me, means that you are at least in the game (and in this case it's the game of LIFE and you are willing to own up to the fast ball coming your way)...even if you strike out or are hit hard by that ball. It takes courage to admit a fault or a wrong that you have done to someone else. It takes even more courage to admit it and then never do it again. I'm pretty sure that someone who suffers dependency in any area deals with this issue every day. Is today the last day I drink or do drugs? Is today the last day I cheat, steal, or lie? Is today the last day I "abuse" someone else?...but you get the idea. I know you do. Truely, someone who comes forth in any venue and admits their faults has my total respect. But someone who comes forth, admits his/her limitations, and then does everything humanly possible to correct that injury or dysfunction is an example of highest regard for all of us. In actuality, not only have they stepped up to the plate, but they have won the inning. There will be many, many innings for all of us. Step up to the plate, today. Sue
INTEGRITY
Integrity is doing the right thing, regardless of the outcome. That's how I view it anyway. It is not always easy to do that. Often, we are worried about how others might view us or if they will “like” us. To make it a clearer choice for myself…I usually think about… if I will like myself if I do not do the right thing. Then, my path or “choice” becomes clearer. At the end of the day, the only thing each of us owns free and clear is ourselves, mind and body. Integrity is ours when we do the right thing for others…and ourselves.
Recently, it was mentioned by a family member that my “choices” many years ago affected them negatively. That both surprised and saddened me at the same time. We were going through a period of great change in our immediate lives then and maybe it required that I focus on my own issues and healing in additon to theirs. I reasoned that unless I was “healthy” in mind, body, and spirit…I would be of no use to them. So, in order to do that…I became “self-centered.” I didn’t see it that way, but they did. I believed in my heart that I was doing “the right thing” for them.... as well as myself.
That’s when the light went on! Each of us feels tested and challenged, some more so than others by mere personality. We recover in the best and only way we know how, at the time. Is it always the best for the other people in our lives? Maybe not. However, we do the best that we can with what hand we have been dealt. While I was busy being proud of myself for my own personal accomplishments of not ‘falling apart’ at this new test in Life …they saw my actions as negative. While I was trying my best to keep it “all together,” for others more than myself, they saw my actions as "inappropriate."
And then, last night as I was falling asleep…Eureka! At that time, I really believed in my heart and soul that I was doing the best I could in that given situation and with Integrity. But my personal definition of Integrity, and doing the “right thing” may not be someone else’s definition. Is there a right way and is there a wrong way of dealing with things in our lives that are difficult? What I realized…in a moment of clarity…was that our personal "right way” of doing something maybe someone else’s “wrong way” of handling the same trial or test.
With that said: We must do the best we can, each time, and always do it with purity of heart. But, brace yourself…sometimes, it may not be viewed as we would like. Keep the destination in sight. I have to believe it is all seen from above by God. I personally don’t believed that: “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions,” as the cliche goes. Good intentions… are always good, even if they fail. If you tried your hardest… then regardless of the outcome, you did it with Integrity.
Recently, it was mentioned by a family member that my “choices” many years ago affected them negatively. That both surprised and saddened me at the same time. We were going through a period of great change in our immediate lives then and maybe it required that I focus on my own issues and healing in additon to theirs. I reasoned that unless I was “healthy” in mind, body, and spirit…I would be of no use to them. So, in order to do that…I became “self-centered.” I didn’t see it that way, but they did. I believed in my heart that I was doing “the right thing” for them.... as well as myself.
That’s when the light went on! Each of us feels tested and challenged, some more so than others by mere personality. We recover in the best and only way we know how, at the time. Is it always the best for the other people in our lives? Maybe not. However, we do the best that we can with what hand we have been dealt. While I was busy being proud of myself for my own personal accomplishments of not ‘falling apart’ at this new test in Life …they saw my actions as negative. While I was trying my best to keep it “all together,” for others more than myself, they saw my actions as "inappropriate."
And then, last night as I was falling asleep…Eureka! At that time, I really believed in my heart and soul that I was doing the best I could in that given situation and with Integrity. But my personal definition of Integrity, and doing the “right thing” may not be someone else’s definition. Is there a right way and is there a wrong way of dealing with things in our lives that are difficult? What I realized…in a moment of clarity…was that our personal "right way” of doing something maybe someone else’s “wrong way” of handling the same trial or test.
With that said: We must do the best we can, each time, and always do it with purity of heart. But, brace yourself…sometimes, it may not be viewed as we would like. Keep the destination in sight. I have to believe it is all seen from above by God. I personally don’t believed that: “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions,” as the cliche goes. Good intentions… are always good, even if they fail. If you tried your hardest… then regardless of the outcome, you did it with Integrity.
April is National Child Abuse Month; The Great Equalizer...CHILD ABUSE!
Abuse does not discriminate by gender, age, religion, ethnicity, or social status. Indeed, it really is the one time that: ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL.
It can be delivered to the offended by sexual, physical, emotional, or verbal abuse. Each and every one of these types of abuse is equally as damaging to our self-esteem, our souls, or our physical being...if we let it prevail. Whether we are being abused now or have been abused in the past, it in no way defines either who we are... or who we are able to become. We are what we choose for ourselves; we are not defined by what has been said or done to us!
The road is wide open, but it is up to us to take the first step. The abuser can not love themselves, therefore they are unable (or unwilling) to love us. It is never because we are unworthy of being loved. But do we love ourselves? Today, is a good day to start. Be a person that is admired by being a person who values his/her own self-worth.
May blessings and strength find you.
It can be delivered to the offended by sexual, physical, emotional, or verbal abuse. Each and every one of these types of abuse is equally as damaging to our self-esteem, our souls, or our physical being...if we let it prevail. Whether we are being abused now or have been abused in the past, it in no way defines either who we are... or who we are able to become. We are what we choose for ourselves; we are not defined by what has been said or done to us!
The road is wide open, but it is up to us to take the first step. The abuser can not love themselves, therefore they are unable (or unwilling) to love us. It is never because we are unworthy of being loved. But do we love ourselves? Today, is a good day to start. Be a person that is admired by being a person who values his/her own self-worth.
May blessings and strength find you.
Changes Inside of Ourselves- Believe!
Self-image is tied up with self-worth. No one can create a healthy self-image for us...we must do it for ourselves. This is an especially difficult task for someone who has been abused. This goes for children as well as adults and any type of abuse: verbal, physical, sexual, and emotional. Changing the way we look at ourselves is hard, but it can be done. Issues of doubt pervade every aspect of decision making for the abused. All sorts of "What if ..." enters conscious and subconscious thought. What if I fail? What if I'm not loved? etc. etc. There is a large hole, left by the current or previous abuse, that is in constant need of refilling. In order to fill that hole...some overeat, some drink or use perscription drugs to numb the memories,some indulge in many unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships to make themselves feel "loved." The end result is the same: there is no change in the level of self-worth.
We have convinced ourselves that our abuse was/is deserved because we aren't worth anything better. We continue the abuse, literally, by now abusing our own minds and bodies. You give yourself the opportunity to heal when you realize how special and unique you are. What is your gift that only you can offer the world? Everyone has one...everyone. God has seen to that. It goes hand in hand that when you like yourself and have a positive self-image...others will like you as well. Knowing that we each have enormous self-worth is the ladder to healthy self-image.
Believe!
We have convinced ourselves that our abuse was/is deserved because we aren't worth anything better. We continue the abuse, literally, by now abusing our own minds and bodies. You give yourself the opportunity to heal when you realize how special and unique you are. What is your gift that only you can offer the world? Everyone has one...everyone. God has seen to that. It goes hand in hand that when you like yourself and have a positive self-image...others will like you as well. Knowing that we each have enormous self-worth is the ladder to healthy self-image.
Believe!
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