Almost 40 million people living in the United States today are survivors of childhood sexual abuse.
Since research has shown that almost 1/3 of people having been sexually abused never disclose this experience to anyone, the actual number of victims must be considerably higher than the given statistics.
Therefore, logically, it’s closer to 60 million survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse in the United States and The District of Columbia, today.
1 in 4 girls are sexually abused before their fourteenth birthday!
1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before their sixteenth birthday!
The median age for reported abuse is nine years old.
90% of all victims know their perpetrators.
Nearly 70% of child sex offenders have more than one victim.
70% of child sex offenders victimize between 1 and 9 children. Almost one quarter of them victimized 10 to 40 victims.
Girl survivors of sexual abuse are three times more likely to develop alcohol and drug abuse or psychiatric problems in adulthood, than girls who have not experienced sexual abuse.
Boy survivors of sexual abuse had a greater than an 80% chance of substance abuse, 50% had suicidal inclinations, and 23% actually attempted to take their own life. 70% received psychological treatment. 31% victimized others!
70-80% of sexual abuse survivors report excessive drug and alcohol abuse.
40% of all childhood sexual survivors suffer long-term effects that require therapy.
Although these statistics are real, they can be changed. The abuse stops with us. We need not pass the dysfunction forward to yet, another generation.
No one gives us self- esteem; we must choose it for ourselves. By succumbing to substance abuse of any kind or abusing others we perpetuate the cycle. We add to the statistics and our abuser(s) are the victors. We can make that healthy and positive choice for ourselves.
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SPIRIT UNBROKEN IS A POSITIVE LIFE: OTHERS MAY NOT LIKE WHAT YOU SAY, BUT HONESTY ROCK...
SPIRIT UNBROKEN IS A POSITIVE LIFE: OTHERS MAY NOT LIKE WHAT YOU SAY, BUT HONESTY ROCK...: HONESTY IS INTEGRITY! by Sue Brow n Sadly, dishonesty, is everywhere… in all cultures, countries, and religions. Lack of honesty...
LIVING GRATEFUL; IT'S EASY!
We live in a world of constant and often frightening change and never know of our tomorrow (s). I often ask myself … what will tomorrow bring! Will I have a blessed day with no worries or sickness upon me? Will I be able to cope with what will be passed to me through my day? Will I make a difference?
Finally, it dawns on me that I am so blessed to just be able to wake up and open my eyes each and every morning. I get to experience glorious Life, yet again. I should treasure each day and make everyday day count in my life.
We must not dwell on the past and ruin our present. Our past sometimes can haunt us and make our present day not too enjoyable. If your own past has haunted you and it’s fixable, then go after the problem and resolve it, so that you can live in peace. If it cannot be fixed, then choose to let it go.
As time and moments pass us by, they are then called memories and can be either positive or negative. We all want to have in our lives the best and happiest memories. None of us want to have bad memories of anything, but unfortunately, we will have many of them and disappointments to go along with them. It’s good to put everything in perspective.
I try to live everyday to the fullest and make each day count because there is no guarantee to the length of our individual times on Earth. In my journey, there have been acquired lessons of great value. Treat all people with respect and kindness. Turn the other cheek as hard as it might be. Learn to love and respect yourself, because without that, you will have a hard time loving and respecting others.
Really appreciate what you have in your Life and don’t take anything for granted. We can all improve the quality of our existence with some extra hard work to achieve a personal goal. However, if that goal is not achieved, the gain is in the personal knowledge that all effort was put forth in the venture of trying.
I try to make it a habit to glance into the sky and say thanks for all things in Life… exactly as given. My days are rewarding; yet challenging, happy; while melancholy at times, enlightening; even at this point in my life, and exhausting; while at the same time… I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Each day we experience is as different and individual as each one of us. May we all choose to live it well.
Finally, it dawns on me that I am so blessed to just be able to wake up and open my eyes each and every morning. I get to experience glorious Life, yet again. I should treasure each day and make everyday day count in my life.
We must not dwell on the past and ruin our present. Our past sometimes can haunt us and make our present day not too enjoyable. If your own past has haunted you and it’s fixable, then go after the problem and resolve it, so that you can live in peace. If it cannot be fixed, then choose to let it go.
As time and moments pass us by, they are then called memories and can be either positive or negative. We all want to have in our lives the best and happiest memories. None of us want to have bad memories of anything, but unfortunately, we will have many of them and disappointments to go along with them. It’s good to put everything in perspective.
I try to live everyday to the fullest and make each day count because there is no guarantee to the length of our individual times on Earth. In my journey, there have been acquired lessons of great value. Treat all people with respect and kindness. Turn the other cheek as hard as it might be. Learn to love and respect yourself, because without that, you will have a hard time loving and respecting others.
Really appreciate what you have in your Life and don’t take anything for granted. We can all improve the quality of our existence with some extra hard work to achieve a personal goal. However, if that goal is not achieved, the gain is in the personal knowledge that all effort was put forth in the venture of trying.
I try to make it a habit to glance into the sky and say thanks for all things in Life… exactly as given. My days are rewarding; yet challenging, happy; while melancholy at times, enlightening; even at this point in my life, and exhausting; while at the same time… I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Each day we experience is as different and individual as each one of us. May we all choose to live it well.
FRUSTRATIONS AND SETBACKS ... just part of Life!
Sometimes, we think we are making progress on a personal, professional, or social situation... only to suffer a setback. Although, the events of the setback, seem almost tragic at the time, they are merely bumps in the road to our "perfected self." Afterall, we are only passing through Earth on our way to Eternity. This thought gives me the courage to plod on...following my own path.
Someone might intentionally be negative or hurtful to us. Maybe we are demoted at work or even lose employment. Sometimes, a loved one tells us that they no longer are "in love" with us...or even worse...have betrayed us with infidelity. And how often have we all had to actually hear things about ourselves that we knew to be false? How do we react; how do we deal? It is not always easy, but I suggest taking the higher road.
This does not mean that you don't react at all... and just walk away without efforts to understand or correct the situation at the time. However, it must be done with Honor and with Integrity. Do not retaliate with nasty words or hasty deeds. It brings nothing if not more hurt. Ultimately, the opposer will forget the incident and you will carry the burden of guilt in how poorly you handled the test/challenge as it was presented to you by God.
What helps me with negative situations is to ask myself: "Is this the worst thing that has ever happened to me?" "When I'm done here with my time on Earth... how much will this test/challenge mean?" "Does this define who I am as a person?" Even the most heartfelt attempts to correct a wrong are not always successful. That makes me see things more clearly.
Life isn't meant to be easy.
Someone might intentionally be negative or hurtful to us. Maybe we are demoted at work or even lose employment. Sometimes, a loved one tells us that they no longer are "in love" with us...or even worse...have betrayed us with infidelity. And how often have we all had to actually hear things about ourselves that we knew to be false? How do we react; how do we deal? It is not always easy, but I suggest taking the higher road.
This does not mean that you don't react at all... and just walk away without efforts to understand or correct the situation at the time. However, it must be done with Honor and with Integrity. Do not retaliate with nasty words or hasty deeds. It brings nothing if not more hurt. Ultimately, the opposer will forget the incident and you will carry the burden of guilt in how poorly you handled the test/challenge as it was presented to you by God.
What helps me with negative situations is to ask myself: "Is this the worst thing that has ever happened to me?" "When I'm done here with my time on Earth... how much will this test/challenge mean?" "Does this define who I am as a person?" Even the most heartfelt attempts to correct a wrong are not always successful. That makes me see things more clearly.
Life isn't meant to be easy.
MAN UP TO MANIPULATORS
Sometimes, we feel manipulated by people we know and/or love. When this occurs we experience a great deal of stress and anxiety, both of which can make us ill and out of sorts.
When this occurs we need to step back and view it NOT subjectively, but rather objectively. View the entity that is doing the manipulating.
When this occurs we need to step back and view it NOT subjectively, but rather objectively. View the entity that is doing the manipulating.
In research, it is indicted that a manipulative personality is, essentially, an aggressive personality. Now, there are also people who are overtly aggressive! Those are the people that we’re afraid of or intimidated by and their personalities are "overt." Right there in your face. Then there is the covert personality that is aggressive in an underhanded way. Most manipulative people are the covert type.
That personality type is most often self-centered. They’re often narcissistic. They’re self-involved and they lack empathy for other people. So it’s all about what I want... and what I can get other people to do for me. It rarely is about what can be done FOR other people.They tend to use other people and they do that in a number of ways.
They’re dishonest. Or, they’re deceptive about issues. They tell half-truths or they don’t tell the whole truth. It’s also a feature of many personality disorders: borderline, avoidant – the avoidant person tries to get other people to do their work, because they will avoid others – the dependent personality – that plays the victim and wants everybody to take care of them – histrionic personality, anti-social – passive-aggressive has a big component there – and type A "angry personalities" and "addictive personalities."
People that are addicted to drugs/ alcohol almost always blame all their problems on other people. "Angry" personalities they are they way the are because of something in their past. In the end, this type of behavior is so self-destructive. This is a pattern that runs deep with manipulation. Many of these people don’t care about relationships, sadly. They just care about getting what they want out of people. Often, they end up alone.
Guilt-tripping. One of the things that a covert-aggressive person knows well is that other types of people have very different consciences than they do. So, all a manipulator has to do is to suggest to the conscientious person that they don’t care enough, or kind of imply that they’re being selfish, and that person immediately is going to start feeling bad. So that’s an “in” that they can use to push people around and get them to do what they want.
Turn that around and a conscientious person might try, until they’re blue in the face, to get a manipulator, or any other aggressive type personality, to feel badly about a hurtful behavior, to acknowledge responsibility, or admit wrongdoing, and it’s absolutely to no avail, because these people don’t think that way. It’s all about them. It’s not about others. They don’t have empathy!
Shaming is another form of manipulation. Sometimes the use of subtle sarcasm and put-downs is used as a means of increasing fear and self-doubt in others. The stuff teachers say! I heard this from kids all the time – about the things that teachers say/said to them to shame them. Covert-aggressive people use this tactic to make other people feel inadequate, or unworthy, and therefore, to defer to them. It puts them in a one-up position.
Vilifying the victim. This tactic is frequently used in conjunction with the attacker playing the victim role. The aggressor uses the tactic to make it look like he’s only responding, or defending himself, against aggression on the part of the victim. It actually enables the aggressor to better put the victim on the defense.
Another thing they do is, they play the servant role. Covert-aggressives use this tactic to cloak their self-serving agenda in the guise of service...you know, to a more noble cause. You do just the opposite of what you’re really doing. National politics all over again. Most of our public servants get rich while they’re in office. So what does that tell you?
What causes people to become manipulative? Where does it come from? Mostly it comes from anxiety. People anticipate catastrophic losses in some cases. So, in an effort to control their own environment, and stay safe, and meet their own needs, they try to get other people to give them what they think they can’t get for themselves.
There are many of us who have had terrible experiences as children/ young adults... who do not resort to manipulation as adults. Perhaps, this is the realization that this isn’t the right way to go about things or treat other people.
It is never too late to stop manipulating and realize we can count on our own resourcefulness and God- given strengths.
SPIRIT UNBROKEN: A Journey of Hope, Survival, and Beating the Odds
Although SRIRIT UNBROKEN appears to be a novel, the story is true. It is a work of non-fiction, a history that needed to be told. In my personal "sharing" it is hoped that others might gain even the smallest amount of comfort and possibly guidance from my own journey and experiences. There is the chance that you might recognize similarities to your own youth. Most assuredly, you know someone with a similar background. I am anyone; unfortunately, I am everywhere. I share my story for everyone that cannot tell his or hers.
This writing is an open acknowledgement to a childhood existence that was far from normal and healthy. There are times that are still beyond any understanding and explanation… and are left unspoken, even now. However, the message within these pages is positive and hopefully healing for those who need to close the open wounds…forever. This is a journey of human spirit and hope.
Identifying can be on many levels.The numbers of people in America who have not been able to acknowledge their own difficult or abusive childhoods are far greater than the published statistics. So many generations were silent then and remain so, today. Our Society as a whole, only recently increased both its effort and awareness to help protect its children. It’s been years in coming. We are finally becoming aware of its epidemic proportions.
The published statistics of children that have grown up in families where abuse of any kind: physical, emotional, or sexual exists, as well as children growing up in homes that are Dysfunctional…is staggering. Today, in one year alone, child protective service agencies investigate almost three million reports alleging maltreatment of children.
The prevalence of Child Abuse statistically is far greater than most would believe. In just one area alone, Sexual Abuse, one in four girls, or twenty-five percent are sexually abused before the age of fourteen! One in six boys, or roughly seventeen percent are sexually abused before the age of sixteen! Americans, for the most part, are unaware of these facts.
There are approximately 60 million survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse in the United States, today. Mathematically, that represents almost one fifth of the total population of the 2000 Census. The median age for reported abuse is 9.9 years for boys and 9.6 years for females. Sadly, only one child in ten ever tells of the sexual abuse. Fabrication of abuse amazingly occurs in only one to four percent of all reported cases.
Consequences of a negative and abusive childhood affect our society. Excessive drug and alcohol abuse is reported by seventy to eighty percent of survivors. Young girls who have been abused are more likely to develop eating and psychiatric disorders. Among male survivors, more than three- quarters have a history of substance abuse, more than one- half had suicidal thoughts, one quarter attempted suicide and more that two thirds received psychological treatment. And if all this weren’t enough, thirty one percent of males victimized…go on to victimize others!
My story is candidly told to both enlighten and alert not to sensationalize. Childhood Abuse is a disease that our society can cure and prevent. It knows no boundaries within Racial, Economic, and Social groups. There are no clear- cut definitions as to what is and isn’t abuse. If the action is harmful to the child, it is unhealthy and abusive. This is a disease that does not call for extensive scientific research looking for a cure.
Rather, it is a disease that elicits recognition and commitment on the part of all responsible adults. Early recognition, acknowledgement, and subsequent intervention are necessary. However, the abused, as well as the abuser, need rehabilitation after that point or the cycle perpetuates itself and the statistics remain a constant. Once the abuse stops…it is far from over, as the startling figures above indicate.
The consequences of Childhood Abuse affect the quality of life for everyone in our country, not just its survivors. Its effects are far-reaching and negative. Statistics strongly support that fact. My God-given spirit and attitude are the exception for those that are abuse survivors…the overwhelming majority of its victims are not nearly so fortunate. Amazingly, I have beaten all the odds.
April is National Child Abuse Month; The Great Equalizer...CHILD ABUSE!
April is National Child Abuse Month; The Great Equalizer...CHILD ABUSE! Abuse does not discriminate by gender, age, religion, ethnicity, or social status.
Indeed, it really is the one time that: ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL. Abuse can be delivered to the offended by sexual, physical, emotional, or verbal abuse. Each and every one of these types of abuse is equally as damaging to our self-esteem, our souls, or our physical being...if we let it prevail.
Whether we are being abused now or have been abused in the past, it in no way defines either who we are... or who we are able to become. We are what we choose for ourselves; we are not defined by what has been said or done to us! The road is wide open, but it is up to us to take the first step. The abuser can not love themselves, therefore they are unable (or unwilling) to love us.
It is never because we are unworthy of being loved. But do we love ourselves? Today, is a good day to start. Be a person that is admired by being a person who values his/her own self-worth. May the journey to find inner-strength find you and be ultimately healing. May all of us continue to make a difference. If you or someone you know has been abused in the past or is currently being abused... speak up. It is never, never too late.
Indeed, it really is the one time that: ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL. Abuse can be delivered to the offended by sexual, physical, emotional, or verbal abuse. Each and every one of these types of abuse is equally as damaging to our self-esteem, our souls, or our physical being...if we let it prevail.
Whether we are being abused now or have been abused in the past, it in no way defines either who we are... or who we are able to become. We are what we choose for ourselves; we are not defined by what has been said or done to us! The road is wide open, but it is up to us to take the first step. The abuser can not love themselves, therefore they are unable (or unwilling) to love us.
It is never because we are unworthy of being loved. But do we love ourselves? Today, is a good day to start. Be a person that is admired by being a person who values his/her own self-worth. May the journey to find inner-strength find you and be ultimately healing. May all of us continue to make a difference. If you or someone you know has been abused in the past or is currently being abused... speak up. It is never, never too late.
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