Bucket List vs. Living List

Thanks to the recent movie, BUCKET LIST, many people are now, more than ever, trying to scratch off their own dreams and wishes in life, before their individual time here on earth expires.

My own thoughts and methods in this regard are more in the line of: Why would an individual ever wait to experience the riches of life? One need not have an expensive or lengthy list to experience LIFE'S amazing gifts. We just need to slow down and recognize LIFE for the precious gift that it is all on its own. It's as simple to me as just appreciating the small things each day, which we so often overlook because we are too busy or we yearn for something greater and grander. Actually, actively "living," each day to its fullest, is pretty amazing all on its own! The sun as it is setting in the western sky on a glorious evening, the extra hour of sleep curled up next to the one we love on our day off, a walk in God's glorious kingdom be it the mountains, deserts, or waters can be enjoyed by all. Even city streets have a magic if you choose to look for it.

These simple things are there for the taking, yet how many of us really make an effort to recognize them for what they are? So, here's what I'm suggesting:

Each day this week, write down at least one thing you did that day that you normally would have taken for granted. At the end of the week, you have a wonderful LIVING LIST. Maybe, this is better than a "bucket list!" Try it; what is there to lose?

Life is good. Sue

Procrastination Stinks!

It's difficult to even think of one time, when procrastination has been beneficial in almost any context. Honestly, I have been thinking on this intently for quite awhile. Does putting something off, regarding health, ever work out? Does carrying those extra twenty pounds, smoking for several additional years, or ignoring that small lump or skin discoloration...really get better over time? How about things in our personal life? Does it make sense to "wait" before intervening in our children's bad behavior? If one waits long enough to discipline a child when they are young...they are neither able to understand rules later on nor able to grasp that bad decision making has negative consequences...when they are teens. Or, if we are aware that our "significant" other is being unfaithful or is struggling in some other moral area...does it miraculously go away because we pretend we don't see it or know of its existence? No. Similarly, has it ever worked to our advantage when we are unhappy in a situation be it at home, school, or on the job...and have not spoken up, that it has actually turned around all on its own in our favor? When does that happen? As annoying as those cliches and phrases are, you know: "The early bird catches the worm," "Don't put off until tomorrow, what you could be doing, today," etc. etc. they are so true. They particularly apply to the negative things, I think.
So...here's to speaking up and making changes, accepting personal responsibility for actions either given or received that need to be altered, and beginning, at least, to make changes in all the negatives in our lives. Sue

Nature vs. Nurture

In both directions of inheritance good traits/habits vs. bad traits/habits, it is easy to believe we are going to be just like our parents! Afterall, both sets of genes have entered our bodies, so it seems logical. That's where Humans are superior to other mammals. That's pretty cool. Although we might physically resemble one parent or another, our lives are ours alone and we have the ability to make of them what we choose. If we don't like a trait that was genetically "given" to us, and the list is very lengthy, we have the abilities not to become that ourselves. NO, IT IS NOT ALWAYS EASY, BUT IT'S POSSIBLE. We alone are the "nurturer" of our existence. If our parents abuse controlled substances in any fashion, we do not have to follow suit. If they always over-eat and never exercise, we can set the new norm for the family by eating healthy and exercising daily. If we were constantly put down and verbally abused as children...it is important that it stop with us. We do not do it with our own children! How liberating and healing it is to realize our life is more of our own choices and very little of genetics. However, all people have good characteristics... even the ones who struggle with their own positive choices. Find those good characteristics within yourself, that you inherited from those "genes" and nurture them. The negative gene characteristics... we all need to let them go. sue

Leaving the Comfort Zone

Not too long ago I wrote about "Integrity" one of my own personal choices in life. Although I take a great deal of "heat" in doing so sometimes...I make the choice of handling issues in my life with Integrity: you know, making the right choice in spite of the outcome. That involves telling the truth. Sometimes, these "truths" are said to others... even when they might not be welcome at the time. When one chooses not to address a wrong, especially if it affects others negatively, to me that's prideful. It's the easy way out and it's the path of least resistance. I believe it translates that you care for your own well-being more than the well-being of others. That, to me, lacks integrity. With this choice, we are more concerned with being "liked" than trying to right a wrong that is clearly evident and hurtful to others. True, when we make the attempt to correct a wrong...we usually ruffle some feathers. We have to actively step out of our own comfort zone and approach someone who has been safely "existing" (perhaps not even living) in his/her comfort zone. It's difficult to address someone about his/her negative choices in life that affects others. But it can be done. It's called LOVE. sue
Posted by sue at 9:05 AM

Limitations

I watched the Olympics last evening and saw a theme repeat itself several times over; it was hard to ignore. The predicted "favorite" fell short of expectations in several events and an athlete that was unexpected to "place" in the medals (Bronze Silver, or Gold) went on to victory. I felt sad for the athletes who had trained so hard and so long who because of their own human error, Fate, or Divine Intervention went on to defeat. THEN, I got it! It's like that for all of us. We are only defeated if we believe ourselves to be defeated. It's more about the place in our heads, hearts, and bodies from where we started our individual "race" and where we ultimately finish the "race" that really matters. Did we come the distance and give it our full efforts in the process? Some of them did it with great dignity, and I fully admired that and others ended with despair...and I felt "sorry" for them. Our individual sporting event is LIFE! And similar to the athletes in the Olympic Games we often are disappointed, dicouraged, and defeated. However, the outcome of each race and LIFE can be handled with dignity...or despair. We can be either admired or pitied. It's pretty clear which is the better choice. sue

GIVING

I LIKE TO GIVE. Giving of myself in any fashion makes me feel good and the recipient(s) benefit too. It is a win:win situation for all. I'm not a saint, I do know that, but rather I see it more like a healing technique that I've learned over the years to help myself heal from my own hurtful past. Then, it just became a really good habit that I've continued for many years. We don't often look at it that way. You know..."giving" as medicine, but it really is. I know many give in church or to a special organization in financial ways. That is truely wonderful. BUT, what I'm proposing is that we can also give in small ways each and every day and they are not always financial gifts. Sometimes, what I give is "time." Sometimes, it's my "help." Sometimes it actually is financial help...but to a total stranger. In today's society, everyone welcomes that kind of gift and it is usually much needed. And, as anyone who knows me will tell you...I always give my advice. (I let out a loud roar as I wrote that because it is so true!) But my favorite gifts are gifts that noone knows about... but the "giver." Sometimes, it's as simple as pulling someone's garbage can back up their driveway or picking up the mis-thrown newspaper and putting it by their neighbor's door. Perhaps, grabbing a garbage bag and collecting trash in a much used area of your neighborhood. Other times, it's taking not only your own shopping cart back to the store, but a few others too or picking up that garment or product that's on the store's floor, that keeps getting either stepped on... or over. These are random acts of kindness. We do them not for the "thanks" that normally follows each of us doing something nice; we do them because they make the world a better place for others. However, what I guarantee is that IF you choose to be a giver, it will be you who is receiving the greatest gift. You have my word. sue

HURT

I read something really negative and hurtful about myself, on line, not too long ago. It was "disguised" as a "review" of my book, SPIRIT UNBROKEN, but it was really addressed at me...or was it? It didn't seem as if they had even read the book; it was more a case of just wanting to be negative. Or...did they read it and it struck a chord? Were they in discomfort because they had also been abused and were not doing so well...still... or were they even in denial...still. Or worse yet, were they an abuser themselves? The statistics of those who have been abused as children going on to abuse others is astounding. I discuss that too in the book; they are sad statistics, but true.
It was clear to me, later that day...because I did think about it, that the person who wrote these hateful and nasty words was not very happy in their own being and for some reason needed to hurt others. Today, it was directed at me and maybe a few others too. There is no "egotistical" writing about Childhood Abuse. The is no "delusional" for anyone who has been abused...even once! The writing is straight forward and candid. That might be a source of discomfort for some. Sometimes, that happens with the truth.
Child Abuse is everywhere in our country...it can't be kept a secret any longer. So, I stepped forward and wrote a book about it and yesterday, took one on the chin. But, I realized I didn't have to have everyone agree with me or even like what I wrote. What was important was that I was speaking up. Finally. It is a really fine book; I hope it touches and helps each person, in some way, who reads it.
As Abused Children...we are here, we are everywhere. At no time is it ever ok to pass along the hurt that you yourself are experiencing. Abuse, be it sexual, emotional, or verbal is never ok... when passed along to hurt another. The relief you feel is momentary and the long term consequences...unhealthy and damning. Take the higher ground when dealing with others. We always have that choice. We do not feel better as humans by hurting, trashing, or ABUSING... someone else.